Usually when we are dealing with the subject of how to increase self esteem, people mention obvious things like thinking positively and believing in yourself, affirming yourself etc, which are all very valid things you need to do.
But I would like to share with you some other things that are not talked about much with regards to increasing self esteem.
The first advice I'd like to give on how to increase self esteem is not to compare yourself to others. One of the things that lead to low self esteem and even depression is when we measure our life based on what other people have achieved. Maybe you don't have a college degree like your peers, maybe you don't make as much money as your peers, maybe most of your peers are married and you are still single.
If you begin measure your life based on what other people around you have achieved that you haven't yet achieved, you will be miserable. Everybody is born to live their life in a unique way and everyone's journey is going to be different, the obstacles and challenges we face are different, our backgrounds are different, our upbringings are different, so with all these differences how can you expect to replicate someone else's life.
You aren't even supposed to replicate other people's lives because you have a unique role to fulfil in this world that no one else can, you have a unique function and place and regardless of what other people have achieved, you are still needed. Can the eye be jealous of the mouth, or can the hand be jealous of the leg, they both have different functions but both are needed.
Your life and function might not be like that of other people, but you are still needed. Would we say that just because we have eyes to see that we can do away with the hand? One is not more important than the other, they are all equally important and you are just as important as anybody else on the face of this planet, regardless of how much they've achieved.
Be happy with who you are, celebrate what your unique function and place is in this world, don't feel under pressure to be like other people and replicate their accomplishments. Live for your values and be content with being you.
Trying to be like other people is a sign of insecurity, you think they are better than you because they have more or have done more, but the true measure of a person isn't really in the things they posses but in the content of their heart.
The best you can do is live your life the best way you can, live your life at your own pace. Life is not a competition, it's not about seeing who can outdo or outperform or who can accomplish the most. It's about living according to your personal values and achieving the goals you have set for yourself.
Stop comparing yourself with others, you will never be them and they can never be you. Celebrate your uniqueness and be happy being you.
Action Point: Make a list of areas you've been comparing yourself to others and decide to stop playing the comparison game, that's how to increase self esteem.
The second advice I'd like to give on how to increase self esteem is not to focus too much on the things that haven't yet happened or beat yourself up over them. You might have set some goals that haven't yet been achieved; maybe you thought that by this stage of your life you would have accomplished a lot more than you have.
When you put your focus on the things that haven't yet happened the tendency is to become depressed and in the process you become blinded to the blessings that you have around you.
So you haven't made those millions yet or married your soul mate yet or bought the house or car of your dreams yet or climbed to the top of your career.
But what about the things you do have that you are taking for granted, you have food on the table, some people are starving and haven't eaten for days. You have good health, some people are on life support or have terminal illnesses, you have your sanity some people are in mental asylums, you have a roof over your head some people don't know where they are going to sleep tonight.
If only you would reflect a little bit you would realise how blessed you are, don't allow what hasn't yet happened to depress you and blind you from your blessings, that's how to increase self esteem.
Action Point: Take 5 minutes right now! To reflect on your blessings
The third advice on how to increase self esteem kind of follows on from the point I just made. Be thankful for the things you do have. Don't be ungrateful and take the things you have for granted. What you are taking for granted, other people would do anything to have.
When I do seminars in schools for young people I tell them that they need to be grateful for the opportunity to even be in school to get an education, a lot of them take it for granted and even cut school, whereas, there are kids in third world countries who would do anything to have an education, but don't have the opportunity.
Be thankful for what you have, yes you don't have it all yet, but you can be thankful and grateful for what you do have, Your family, Your Job, Your Business, Your friends, Your health etc Be thankful, and as you show gratitude you will find that those things that are yet to be accomplished that are getting you down and causing you to have low self esteem won't bother you as much.
Be thankful for where you are now and what you have now on the way to where you want to be.
Action Point: Make a list of 7 things you are thankful for.
The last and final advice (but not the least) on how to increase self esteem is, don't live your life to please others, no matter how hard you try, you won't succeed at pleasing them anyways. Live to do things that are fulfilling for you, not to please your parents or friends etc.
Some people have found themselves in careers they hate just because they were trying to please and impress people and they themselves end up miserable because their life isn't aligned with their values and the things that they really want deep down.
This is why a person on the surface can seem extremely successful on the outside, but they could be dying and miserable on the inside, because they have lived their whole life trying to make other people happy, they married to make other people happy, their choice of career was to make other people happy, every decision they make is to please others, but they are absolutely unfulfilled and their life doesn't make sense or have much meaning because they are not being true to what they are about as an individual.
If you want to begin to feel good about yourself and have a better self esteem, then you are going to have to begin to live in a way that you stay in line with your core values, beliefs and stay true to what you want, not what other people want. In order to do that you have to stop trying to please people. If you don't define who you are and what you want, other people will give you a definition and take you to some destination you don't want to be and the destination they will take you to and the definition they will give you will depress you.
Dont live to please people, live your beliefs, values and convictions, that's how to increase self esteem.
Action Point: In what ways have you been living to please others? How are you going to change that from now on?
For more great advice on how to increase self esteem I recommend Dr Joe Rubino's Ultimate Self Esteem Formula.Click here for my review on Dr Rubino's Self Esteem Program.
Here is a great website on Self Esteem Building for Men.
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