Dr Joe Rubino in his book says that a positive self esteem is crucial if you want to have a life of competence, fulfilment, accomplishment and contentment. I completely agree with this.
Not having a good self esteem is certainly very costly and while many people like to talk about the benefits of having a healthy self esteem, I want to highlight some of the dangers and penalties of not having a positive self esteem.
Sometimes knowing what a particular thing is costing you can serve as motivation to make the changes that are needed. I want you to know what low self esteem is costing you so that you will be more determined to overcome it and achieve the kind of life that you truly deserve.
1. Makes You Afraid to Take Risks.
Not having a positive self esteem makes you afraid to take risks. When you don't take risks you actually end up losing. Funny enough, one of the ways I discovered this truth was by playing the game monopoly.
When my wife and I first bought the game on our Nintendo Wii, I used to always play it safe because I didn't want to lose my money and I wanted to make sure that I always had enough money to pay rent (especially when you land on rent with houses ouch!)
I would be afraid to take risks to build on my properties with monopoly because I wanted to always keep the money I had. I discovered that using this tactic wasn't really working; playing it safe wasn't working at all! and all my money was eventually lost to those who took the risk to spend their money and build houses.
I didn't start winning until I started taking risks, I started buying houses and hotels on my monopolies even though it meant I had less cash flow. The result was that people landed on those houses and hotels and had to pay up big time. I discovered that holding onto something out of fear could actually be costing you more.
And that's what low self esteem does, it keeps you in fear, fear of taking risks because you don't want to lose, the thing is, you probably end up losing anyway, so you might as well take the risk. It has been proven that people with a positive self esteem are more willing to take risks.
People with a high self esteem play the game of life to win (which will involve taking risks) while the people with low self esteem play the game of life not to lose (they play it safe and don't take risks), and by the way, winning and not losing are not the same thing. That's why those who take risks will continue to increase and have more, while those who don't will either only be able to manage the little they have or worse still lose the little they have.
When you don't have a positive self esteem, it stops you from taking risks and taking risks is exactly what you need to do to win big and fulfil your dreams.
It could be the risk to take that loan and start that business.
It could be the risk to approach that gorgeous woman and ask for a date.
When you have a positive self esteem, you are willing to take risks because you think about how big your potential win could be, which makes it worth the risk, when you don't have a positive self esteem you think about how big your loss could be.
2. You Could Miss Out on True Love.
Another danger of not having a positive self esteem is that you could miss out on true love. I wanted to share this particular point because I think about the wonderful relationship I have with my wife and I am reminded of what low self esteem could have cost me.
It all kind of ties in with the previous point I made about taking risks, because had I not taken the risk to talk to her I would have missed out on true love.
But low self esteem nearly cost me that true love because I was afraid to talk to her, I didn't want to be rejected, plus the fact that I was still nursing the condition on my scalp which I was very conscious of, and that scalp condition made me feel really unattractive, I was sure that my scalp would have been a definite turn off for her.
What gave me the courage to talk to her (however little that courage was) was the fact that I had been investing in my personal development and self esteem development, I read Jack Canfield's "Success Principles" book which talked about feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
So I used that principle and approached her to express my feelings to her, laying aside all my fears and worries, and to my surprise she actually gave me audience, she didn't even notice my scalp and even when she eventually did, it didn't bother her. She liked me even with my condition!
We dated for 5 yrs and got married in 2009 and now have a beautiful daughter, we are as happy as ever and our relationship is growing from strength to strength.
I wonder what would have happened if I never started investing in my self esteem and personal development, if I never came across that principle of feeling the fear but doing it anyway, I would have lost out on true love, the love of my life "my soul mate" because of low self esteem, because of self rejection, because of being conscious of my physical defects.
Not having a positive self esteem would have cost me because I wouldn't have even bothered talking to her, I would have allowed my fear of rejection and my lack of confidence due to my scalp condition to talk me out of making a move and I would have lost out on true love as a result.
If you are still allowing your lack of confidence and self esteem to stop you from going after true love, then, I encourage you to put your fears aside and take that risk, you might be surprised what the outcome will be.
The thing is, the more you take those risks and those risks pay off, the less afraid you will be of taking risks and the more positive your self esteem becomes because you now know how to win instead of just trying to avoid losing.
3. Makes You Incompetent
Another danger of not having a positive self esteem is that it makes you incompetent, and that incompetence will be as a result of self doubt.
Low self esteem gives birth to negative self talk which makes you doubt yourself, you tell yourself "I can't do it" or "I'm no good at this" and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
If you tell yourself you are incompetent and unable to perform, you will feel incompetent and unable to perform and you will be incompetent and unable to perform.
The key is to change your negative self talk, so rather than telling yourself "I'm no good at this" ask yourself "how can I get better at this"
Saying "I'm no good at this" sends a message to your brain that we are useless so let's not even bother and let's feel sorry for ourselves, but when you change that to "How can I get better at this" you put your brain to work to find solutions to help you improve.
4. No Drive to Create and Pursue Goals and Dreams
Not having a positive self esteem means that you are less likely to create and pursue personal goals and dreams. Let's face it, a person that doesn't have much belief in them self isn't exactly going to try and accomplish great things because they don't believe that they can do it.
When you don't have a good self esteem, you just don't dream and if you do dream you will lack the drive to make that dream a reality and a dream without actions, goals and strategy to turn it into a reality is just wishful thinking.
When you don't have goals, your life will pretty much be average and stagnant, because there is nothing you are aiming for, nothing that is making your life progressive, no destination that your life is moving towards, no new territories to conquer, just going through the motions doing the same thing day in and day out, THIS IS A RECEIPE FOR LACK OF FULFILMENT.
I have come to realise that in life, success doesn't happen by magic, achievements and accomplishments don't just fall into your lap, you have to be purposeful about it, you have to aim for it, you have to dream it and set goals to achieve it, that's how success is created, and when we successfully accomplish those goals that we have set ourselves, it boosts our self esteem and confidence.
A life without a dream and a life without goals will therefore be an unfruitful life, an unfulfilled life and an unsuccessful life and that's the kind of life many people are living because they have allowed low self esteem to stop them from dreaming and pursing their goals.
This is why not having a positive self esteem is very dangerous, it robs you of your dreams and makes you not go after your goals which results in lack of fulfilment and unhappiness from being average and not living up to your full potential.
5. Easily Discouraged by Criticism and Challenges
People who don't have a positive self esteem are also more likely to allow criticisms and the challenges of life to break them. They take criticisms personally, they interpret it as "I suck" rather than looking at the criticism as feedback on how they can improve (which is what people with a positive self esteem do)
Don't get me wrong, taking criticisms can be very painful because it's almost like someone is questioning your competence and your ability to deliver and it can be very damaging to your self esteem and confidence if you don't know how to handle it properly.
That's why it is so important to learn the skills of self esteem development because without them you will allow the criticisms from people to make you question and doubt yourself.
When you have low self esteem, you are also more likely to allow challenges and setbacks to stop you and discourage you from pursuing your goals.
Ultimately in life you will from time to time face setbacks, but what separates those with a positive self esteem from those who lack self esteem is that they are not discouraged by setbacks, they have a "never give up and never quit" spirit, they keep fighting because they are confident that they will eventually win.
On the contrary if you don't have that kind of confidence in yourself, you will give up and never achieve the things you want - leading to more unhappiness and more dissatisfaction with life.
6. More Likely to Engage in Abusive Behaviour and Habits
It has also been proven that people who lack a positive self esteem are more likely to engage in criminal activities. In fact some criminals have admitted that the reason they keep reoffending is because they feel they don't have any other options, they don't think they have the skills, qualifications and knowledge to succeed at anything else and so feel like committing crime is their only hope - it's a self esteem issue.
Studies have also shown that people with low self esteem are more likely to be associated with things like alcohol and drug abuse, violent behaviour, eating disorders, and poverty.
When people don't feel good about themselves they often use drugs and alcohol to try and drown out their sorrows and end up being addicted, which creates even more problems for them.
When people feel unattractive and under pressure to look like the super models they see on the catwalk, they can develop eating disorders in the attempt to stay thin.
All these are as a result of not having a positive self esteem.
7. Lack of Self Love.
Last but not least, not having a positive self esteem is costly because it makes you lack self love, it makes you believe that you are not deserving of love and that has a knock on effect on the kinds of relationships you will have.
A lot of people endure abusive relationships because they lack self love, they believe that they deserve the abuse and so they put up with it.
Lack of self love also means that you will be incapable of being able to love others properly, you cannot love others when you don't first love yourself, you cannot give what you do not have.
It makes it difficult for you to empathise with others and put yourself in their shoes, feel their pain, and see where they are coming from. It makes it difficult for you to reason with others and as a result you will easily fall out with people and be unable to maintain relationships.
Low self esteem truly does cost people in many different areas, and if the effort is not taken to develop a more positive self esteem then you won't have what it takes to live an empowered and fulfilling life.
Congratulations! on making it to the end of this page - well done for reading it through and not quitting half way through. You did read it through right? ;o)
Self esteem expert, Dr Joe Rubino, has a great program for improving your self esteem. Click here to take a look at Dr Joe Rubino's Ultimate Self Esteem Formula Program.
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